LOS ANGELES – CAA OFFICES – BATHROOM – 1993

Joe Eszterhas and Don Simpson are standing at the urinal, pissing.

It’s not meant to be a competition. But Simpson is on a roll and he’s not letting Eszterhas get a word in.

SIMPSON
– I was a complete fucking nerd when I was in high school. A fat little kid with his nose always stuck in some book. Never mind getting any pussy, I couldn’t even get a date. I took a lot of shit from a lot of kids –

Eszterhas is about to ask how much shit but Simpson rolls on. Good coke does that to you.

SIMPSON
– Cut to me as a big time star Hollywood producer and it’s time for my twentieth high school reunion. In Achorage, Alaska. I hired a fucking helicopter and two Penthouse pets. We choppered onto the football field where the reunion was being held. I got off the chopper with the Pets. I looked fucking sensational. I hadn’t eaten any solid food for three weeks. I wore a white suit. Man, their fucking jaws dropped. I mean – they shit themselves.

Simpson shakes his dick as he laughs at the memory.

SIMPSON
I stayed about thirty minutes and then with a Pet on each arm, I got back on chopper and they watched as I disappeared into the fucking sky.

Simpson zips up.

SIMPSON
Motherfucker! Best moment of my life!