Sweet Jesus #1

Oh-my-fucking-God, what the hell is wrong with governor Rick Perry of Texas?

What the hell is he doing leading a stadium prayer rally for a nation in crisis? What the fuck is this? Nuremberg? Where the hell’s my dad when you need him?

Is he completely insane? Praying to bless and guide the nation’s military and political leaders and those who cannot see the light in the midst of all the darkness? Turn on the fucking lights, man. Flick the switch.

Didn’t you pay any attention to what I said? Forget Matthew, Mark, Luke, John. Nice guys but a little needy, know what I mean. Didn’t really pay that much attention. Read the Gospel of Thomas if you really want to know what I said.

Sure, it’s not exactly word for word. But it’s fucking close enough.

Don’t look at me to heal the discord in the home, fear in the market place, anger in the government. This was your doing. You fucking solve it.

I don’t mean to be harsh, but if you think you’re going to pray away the debt crisis and slip in credit rating, you’re a flipping fool.

I’m not here to help you with your obesity and shit. I didn’t die for your goddamn sins. I died because some political and church leaders figured giving me the death sentence was a smart way to silence me. Like most leaders, they’re idiots.

And now somebody tells me you’re considering running as a presidential candidate. Have you totally lost your mind?

Which bit about the separation of church and state do you not understand? What did I tell you? Love one another, don’t hate, don’t lie, don’t be a dick.

You don’t have to pray. You don’t have to fall to your knees. And when did I ever say you should start swaying with your eyes closed and your hands in the air like you’re in a U2 concert? You look blind and lost and little like Nazis. No, Rick, not a good look.

And where did you dig up Luis Cataldo from? International House of Prayer? Are you fucking kidding me?

Cataldo scares me. A cry for mercy? Spare me.

And let me tell you, that lopsided gold ring you wear puts the pope to shame. You might want to ease up on the bling. (Rich man, eye, needle. Know what I’m talking about, Rick?)

Those who suffer, the afflicted? Those who have lost jobs, lost homes, lost hope? I am not calling all Americans of all walks of life to seek me, to return to me. Do not fast, do not weep, do not mourn.

A crying out for forgiveness? I don’t need to forgive you. You need to forgive yourself.

Look deep into your heart.

For you are the way.

You are the one.

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